


The First Night Home - Aaron and Robert (6th April 2017) (canon compliant)

by BoleynC



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, it's sweet but also full of angst because Robert is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 19:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10577532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoleynC/pseuds/BoleynC
Summary: Aaron's first night back at the Woolpack after being released from prison.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This starts directly after Rebecca leaves the room at the end of the ep. Enjoy! And please comment if you like it!
> 
> xxx

“Right then, I’m off,” Victoria announces brightly. “Meeting Adam. Well, I’m supposed to be. If I can get hold of him for long enough, that is.” 

She turns conversationally to Aaron. 

“We’re still trying for a baby, but no luck yet.” 

Robert acts like he can’t hear the conversation that’s going on, and Aaron has to force himself to raise his eyebrows with fake interest. After all, he’s too exhausted to chat about other people’s lives right now. He can barely stand to think about his own. 

“Yeah, Adam said. Well, it’ll happen soon,” Aaron says, hoping that’s the right thing to say. “It’s not been long.” 

“Yeah,” Vic agrees with a sigh, looking slightly doubtful. “I suppose some people are just luckier than others. Oh well.” 

Aaron gives an awkward sort of nod and Victoria pulls herself together. 

“Right, I’ll leave you boys to it. Bet you’ve got a lot of catching up to do.” 

“Just a bit,” Robert comments sarcastically. 

As Victoria passes them she reaches out to pat Aaron warmly on the arm. Robert watches his husband force himself not to flinch at the unexpected contact and feels guilt and anger settle heavily in his stomach.

The door closes behind her and they’re alone in the back room. It’s almost like Aaron’s not been gone at all. 

Only when Robert looks closer it’s clear that everything has changed. Aaron’s glancing about like he’s still not quite sure this isn’t a dream, hesitant to appreciate anything in case it gets ripped away. 

Knowing one of them needs to stay positive, Robert rubs his hands together and nods his head in the direction of the kitchen area. 

“So, what d’you fancy?” he asks Aaron, already starting to stroll over there.

Aaron raises a suspicious eyebrow and remains standing on the spot. 

“As in food,” Robert explains. “You only picked at the stuff earlier and I know prison grub isn’t exactly Michelin star.” 

“I’m fine, Robert,” Aaron mutters, but Robert’s too busy thinking of what the perfect meal for a man who’s just come home from prison is to listen.

“I can do you anything you like,” he steamrollers on nobly. “Bacon sarnie? Fried eggs? What about just some toast, something to settle your stomach?” 

“I’m not ill,” Aaron half-complains in a louder voice than he intends, before he sees Robert’s face and softens slightly. He puts his hands in his pockets and shifts about on the spot. “Look, it’s been a long day…” 

Robert takes a deep breath and nods. He’s been coming on too strong. It’s just hard to know how to pitch it when what he wants more than anything else in the world is to show Aaron that he’s a good husband, that he adores him, that having him back means everything, but his adored husband only seems embarrassed by the fussing. 

“Okay, how about a bath then?” Robert suggests. “I’ve got some really nice stuff you can put in-“ 

“Robert-” 

“Nice long soak’ll do you the world of good-“ 

“Robert!” Aaron snaps.

“Sorry,” Robert concedes. “It’s just… I’ve been waiting ages for this day too. Missing you like crazy. Thinking of how I can make it perfect-“ 

Aaron looks down at the ground and swallows before raising his head again. Robert can see he’s trying to be brave.

“It already is. Just being back here is enough,” Aaron tells him with that shy smile of his.

“But I wanted it to be special. Just the two of us…” 

“And then my gran went and invited half the village here?” Aaron finishes for him wryly.

“Yeah. Sorry,” Robert admits. “But she’s a tricky woman to say no to.” 

Aaron makes a face at the innuendo and Robert grins, thrilled to see his husband back again, that familiar almost comical cringing look on his face, the one he pulls so well whenever a member of his family does something embarrassing. 

“Must be the Dingle charm,” Robert adds, seeing he’s onto a good thing as Aaron appears to be relaxing. “You lot always get your way in the end.” 

“Oh, do we?” Aaron remarks, with the hint of a suggestive tone creeping in there. It’s not strong enough for Robert to respond to it, but it means Aaron’s contributing. It means that even if Aaron’s exhausted and low and feeling overwhelmed, they can still slip into their usual teasing banter easier than anything. It comes almost as naturally as breathing. 

Robert feels so suddenly relaxed that he begins to chatter.

“D’you know she flirted with me earlier?” 

“She didn’t?” 

“Oh yes she did. Got me putting up those tacky banners with her. Said something about how if I ever wanted to shop in ‘ladies wear’ she was available.” 

For a moment Aaron looks uncomfortable with the joke, but Robert sees him force his insecurities away and smile. He refuses to acknowledge the way his stomach lurches as Aaron gifts him with a trust he no longer deserves. 

“What are we gonna do with her?” Aaron asks, a laugh in his voice.

“Smile and nod politely if we want to stay sane,” Robert suggests, grinning through his unease and knowing from experience that he’s good enough that it will look like he doesn’t have a care in the world. “Still, she’s all right. And it was sweet that she wanted to make things nice for Sarah. She’s really running with this gran thing.”

“I guess she’s making up for lost time.” 

“Andy’d be happy, I reckon,” Robert remarks thoughtfully. “You know, Sarah having someone like that around. Even if she is bonkers.” 

“She’s got her mum,” Aaron points out, slightly defensively. “Debbie’s brilliant with the kids.”

“Yeah, but sometimes you need a bit more than just your mother, and let’s face it, Debbie’s not exactly a smile a minute.” 

Aaron looks hurt by that comment, and Robert isn’t sure whether it’s out of loyalty to his cousin or because he’s worrying that he’s not exactly a ‘smile a minute’ either. Again Robert’s put his foot in it without meaning to.

“No, that’s unfair,” Robert concedes. “She’s got a lot on her plate. It can’t be easy for her. And she _is_ a good mum.” 

Aaron nods at him almost proudly. Once again Robert’s reminded of Andy’s words to him, that Aaron makes him a better person. He truly does. Without a single word he can make Robert rethink his entire stance on something. Just that look of disappointment can cause Robert to step out of his selfish bubble and rush to clumsily rectify his mistakes. Robert’s never known anyone who could do that to him before, and he knows he never will again.

Robert takes a deep breath and then smiles at Aaron a bit sheepishly. His husband looks exhausted, his face much paler than usual, shadows beneath his eyes. It’s like a ghost has replaced Aaron, like he’s not come back quite whole. Robert supposes it will take time for Aaron to get back to how he was, but he knows he _will_ come back. He always does. Because he’s strong.

“Shall we call it a night then?” 

Aaron looks relieved by the suggestion.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” 

“I honestly don’t. You have no idea how much I’ve missed it. Just… you know.” 

“Living,” Aaron agrees with a nod. “The little things.” 

“Having me kicking you in the middle of the night?” 

“I’m that used to dodging you that I almost rolled off my bunk one night,” Aaron reveals with a tiny smile. “Must’ve dreamt you were there.” 

“Charming. Nice to know my husband’s trying to avoid me in his sleep.” 

“Shut up,” Aaron laughs, heading for the stairs and beckoning Robert to him. “C’mon. Bed.” 

+++

Having just come back from the bathroom, Robert watches his husband from the doorway as Aaron finishes changing and slowly, tentatively, tries to get back into the rhythm of everyday life, of a normal evening coming home and getting into bed. There’s something in Aaron’s disbelieving hesitance that makes Robert feel sad to the pit of his stomach. 

Robert just catches Aaron touching their bedsheets, smoothing them over with the flat of his hand, eyes closed, the smallest breath being exhaled evenly, presumably to calm himself down, before he enters the room. It’s a tragic sight and part of Robert wishes he’d never seen it. 

So Aaron won’t know he’s been caught in this moment of hideous vulnerability, Robert makes more noise than is necessary on his way in so that when he enters the room Aaron is pretending to fix his clothes and wearing a small smile.

“You not gonna be hot in that?” Robert asks, looking at the jumper Aaron’s chosen to wear to bed. It’s strange to see him standing there in his boxers, legs bare, but with the oversized jumper covering his upper-half, the sleeves pulled down over his wrists. 

“It’s just… I got used to wearing one,” Aaron explains awkwardly. 

“And you don’t want me to see your bruises,” Robert correctly summarises. 

Aaron gives a guilty sort of look and a half shrug. 

“I’m not going to inspect you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Robert says wearily. “Not tonight, anyway. But tomorrow-“ 

“Rob-“ 

“I mean it. I worry about you.” 

Aaron swallows and nods. He decides not to argue, accepting that this is a simple fact of married life, that his husband is _bound_ to worry himself stupid over his wellbeing. That that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Robert gets into bed and shifts about, getting comfortable, trying to make it look like he’s at ease, like he’s been doing this every night Aaron’s been away instead of either sleeping downstairs on the sofa, or staying up half the night tossing and turning, checking his phone over and over, just going through old photos and wasting time to distract himself from the empty bed around him.

Aaron doesn’t climb in beside him right away. For a moment he stands there watching Robert, like he’s seeing something wonderful. He’s committing the sight to memory, the domestic image of Robert fighting his long clumsy limbs into bed and arranging himself under the covers. 

Robert looks up and catches him, making Aaron glance away with embarrassment. 

“Sorry it’s just… still surreal,” Aaron mumbles apologetically. 

“Come on. Get in,” Robert says, patting the space beside him.

Aaron does so, getting into bed on Robert’s right hand side. Just the familiar dip of the mattress as Aaron climbs in makes Robert’s heart leap with relief.

Robert goes to pull Aaron close to him, but stops at the last moment, remembering.

“Is there anything I need to know about… you know?” Robert asks carefully.

Aaron frowns at him, not liking the fact Robert’s paused in that movement at all.

“About what?” 

“You didn’t like me touching you earlier,” Robert explains. “I won’t be offended. If you need space then that’s okay-“ 

“Space?” Aaron repeats, like he can’t believe it. “Are you serious? Robert, I want to be here with you. It’s all I’ve wanted. The whole time I was inside.”

“Just no creeping up on you then?” Robert asks with a slight laugh, trying to cover the awkwardness of the moment. 

Aaron looks like he wants to frown again, but then he thinks about everything and changes his mind. He looks at Robert’s nose which is still swollen from the punch he received earlier with what seems to be horror. 

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron says quietly. 

“Thought we’d been over this? It’s fine. And you know me, I always deserve it.” 

It’s supposed to be a joke but Aaron just looks guiltier. 

“No, you don’t,” Aaron corrects him. “Not this time. You’ve been amazing. Trying your best. Looking after Liv.” 

“Aaron-“ 

“I mean it, Robert. It means the world, you being here. Knowing I was coming out of there _to you._ It made all the difference. It got me through it.”

Robert can’t take it. He can’t handle Aaron thinking he’s some heroic husband who’s held everything together, when really he’s committed the ultimate betrayal. 

“I haven’t been… look, I’ve made mistakes-” Robert mutters.

“Can’t be worse than battering your mate’s ex,” Aaron tries with a small smile. “At least you took it out on the bedroom, eh?” 

Robert forces a smile in return but inside his chest his heart is pounding. What he’s done is _so much_ worse than trashing furniture, although Aaron's right about the bedroom part. That is where he took out his frustrations. It’s so bad he can hardly think bear to think about it.

“I’m fine,” Aaron continues. “I know I freaked out earlier, but that’ll get better, right? I’m just adjusting. They said that inside. That it might take a while.” 

“We’ll get you right again,” Robert promises steadily. “Told you already, didn’t I? You and me, we’re going to be fine. New start.”

Aaron nods his head gratefully. His eyes look slightly teary, but Robert ignores this for Aaron’s sake.

Robert reaches out for Aaron again, and this time Aaron shifts closer, resting his head against Robert’s chest and falling still once he’s found his familiar spot. Robert looks up at the ceiling, feeling overwhelmed with relief, with a sense of safety, of home (the feeling that always comes with Aaron), but also with the dangerous burning sensation of guilt which is threatening to tear through his comfort, even with Aaron in his arms.

It’s nothing like how it was with Chrissie. The guilt then was different. There was a thrill to it, an adrenaline rush. This time Robert's still afraid of being discovered, of course, but it’s not just because of what that might mean for him. Most of all he’s afraid of how it will make Aaron feel. He’s terrified of pushing him back into a bad place, of making him feel like he’s not enough, like he did something wrong. Robert hates himself for what he’s done. There's no sense of triumph. Only horror and regret.

He’s a different man now, Robert knows. Everything has changed, even if it doesn’t look that way on the outside. Now he can’t escape the guilt. He can no longer push aside his conscience because it’s right here with him, curled up against his chest. 

After five minutes of silence, Robert finally opens his mouth to speak. He doesn’t know what exactly to say, only that he should say something. He needs Aaron to know that he’s trying. That he’s willing to take responsibility. 

But then he looks down at Aaron, who seems so peaceful, so still. And he can’t quite do it. 

Robert loves him too much to drop this on him while he’s vulnerable, while he’s jumping at shadows. To tell him right now would be selfish and Robert doesn’t want to be that anymore. Not with Aaron. 

He’s not going to push his own husband over the edge. Once he’s safe, and only then, will he confess. If that means waiting for therapy or for Chas and Liv to come home then so be it. He’ll have to live with the guilt, with the fact the truth wants to pour out of his mouth every second because he can’t take the shame any longer. He can take that for Aaron. He’s going to have to. 

“What is it?” Aaron mutters quietly. 

Robert isn’t sure how Aaron even noticed there was anything wrong, but it doesn’t surprise him. Aaron knows him like nobody else.

“Nothing,” Robert answers. “Just thinking.”

“Dangerous,” Aaron responds, which makes Robert smile.

There’s a long silence during which Robert lightly runs his hand over Aaron’s back and the world is calm again.

“Aaron?” Robert all but whispers, what feels like years later. His voice sounds small and pathetic in the quiet room.

But there’s no reply, just gentle breathing. Safe in his husband's arms, Aaron’s fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> (I am @ClaudiaBoleyn on twitter and my Tumblr is claudiaboleyn.tumblr.com)
> 
> xxx


End file.
